So You’d Wish to Unsubscribe from Our Falcon-Supply Service

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Pricey valued buyer,We’ve obtained your request to unsubscribe from FLCN, the world’s premier falcon subscription service. To verify: You’d by no means once more wish to obtain a stay fowl of prey, delivered on to your door, appropriate?In order that we could higher help you, please clarify the methods wherein your life type is incompatible with caring for an ever-increasing variety of fearsome winged hunters. Have you ever discovered our falcons missing? What number of small mammals are they catching every week, on common?Simply curious,Workforce FLCNHi once more!Thanks for responding to our questions on your expertise with FLCN (now in our fourth spherical of V.C. funding!). We’re sorry, however no, we are able to’t disclose who signed you up for our falcon subscription service, because the gift-giver selected to stay nameless.Aren’t falcons majestic? It was onerous to half with these tawny kestrels we despatched out final month. On that topic, we nonetheless don’t have fairly sufficient info to cancel your subscription. Please tell us extra particularly the way you’re being burdened by common deliveries of the world’s most lovely—and terrifying—animals.Best,Workforce Talon at FLCNHey, good friend,Do you know that falcons (and actually all trendy birds) are descended from dinosaurs? Cool, proper? However we perceive that you just’ve had problem holding twelve (quickly to be 13!) of those awe-inspiring creatures in your small city condominium. And we’re so sorry concerning the lack of your chihuahua. Our authorized staff (cc’d right here) is normally very useful with these issues.Better of luck!The FLCN flockHi, Jen,Hope you’re having fun with the Falco hypoleucos, or grey falcon, that we despatched you final Monday. And yep, you guessed it! Meaning we’re nonetheless unable to cancel your subscription.Jen, the reality is that we’ve got numerous falcons over right here. Dozens and dozens of them. We spend 1000’s of {dollars} on hen carcasses each week, simply to maintain them fed! As you might be one in all our seven valued subscribers, your continued assist is invaluable.With love,Your feathered mates at FLCNDear Ms. Wyatt,We’re appalled. Our transport coördinator knowledgeable us that you just refused supply of our final falcon, which is presently in limbo at a UPS hub in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. This beautiful creature is now an workplace mascot named Nacho that subsists on Dunkin’ Donuts breakfast burritos.Jen, one doesn’t merely reject falcons. If we’re unable to make our common, scheduled deliveries, we do produce other means.Lock your home windows, Jen.FLCN

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