PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—Hoping to capitalize on Donald J. Trump’s annoyance at his daughter for her testimony earlier than the January sixth committee, Eric Trump requested that he be given Ivanka Trump’s room at Mar-a-Lago.Based on these accustomed to the change, Eric Trump’s marketing campaign for his sister’s room started simply moments after her testimony aired on Thursday evening.“Dad, it actually sucks, that stuff Ivanka simply mentioned,” Eric Trump started. “I might by no means, ever say stuff like that about you.”Sensing a gap, he continued, “She doesn’t deserve that massive room she has. She’s by no means even right here. She’s in Washington, saying stuff about you that absolutely sucks and that I might by no means say. Can I please, please have her room?”“Shut up, you loser,” his father reportedly responded.